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“Keep Calm and Carry On.”  It’s not just a saying or a mere fad, especially when dealing with certain people and certain situations in your life.

Keep Calm is a way of life.

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Had enough of it already or am I the only one?

“Keep Calm” is important when stuck behind a convoy of geriatric drivers who are putting along at 20 mph in a 45 mph zone, all on their way to bingo.  This happens frequently in my small Nevada city and it drives me absolutely bats.  Take a deep breath and exhale slowly.  Remember: you will get to your destination.  Hopefully, sometime within the next year.

“Carry On” is vital during a zombie invasion.  I’m not sure about the “keep calm” part of the equation.  A certain amount of cool would be helpful, but so would a whole lot of crazy.  Blow up zombies and get the hell outta dodge.  Escaping with an arsenal is highly advisable.  Personally, I already know of a nice, armed cabin in the woods to which I have permission to flee.  For a small fee, I might give you a tip as to its location…

“Keep Calm” is necessary when dealing with a three year-old girl.  Every day.  Three year-old girls are darling, devious, sweet, evil, wickedly smart, loving, mean, and extremely talkative creatures.  They are always right.  They are always right.  They are… I think you get it.  Take a deep breath and relax in the knowledge that someday she will rule the earth.  Should you stay calm, she might take pity on you, her peon.

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Keep Calm? Look into my eyes and do my bidding.

“Keep Calm and Carry On” is the only choice when dealing with an (unfriendly) ex– especially when children are involved.  Maintain your cool.  Especially when said ex repeatedly calls you the worst names possible and repeatedly wishes you a horrible death, all due to consequences of their own actions and all due to money.  Nothing else.

If you so choose (as I did), first provide him* with years of patience and understanding.  Let him know that there will be a deadline, fully and clearly explain the repercussions of their neglect so that nothing will come as a surprise, inform him of the exact date you acted upon the deadline, and continue to be polite for the sake of your child.  Keep all email correspondence of aforementioned material and all hate text messages you receive.  They will be handy in the event that you suffer an untimely freak accident.

In other words, if you feel so inclined, go above and beyond that which is truly necessary.  When reality hits your ex and s/he becomes fantastically unglued on you, stay cool.  This was surprisingly easy for me.  Perhaps because of recent events, I fully understand that life is truly unpredictable.  Perhaps because I’m attempting to meditate more often, my adrenaline didn’t kick in one bit.  Perhaps because I no longer love him, I no longer care what he thinks.  Doesn’t matter.  Be like this toad.  He knows how to chill.

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“Carry On” and do not feel guilty when you’ve done everything in your power to make life as easy as possible for him for years.  “Keep Calm” as he continues to blame you for all of his woes.  Allow the universe to work it out.  Politely thank him for his time and exit stage left.  Focus on giving your child love and affection.  Focus on living right and being a good person.  Leave the nonsense behind.  

“Keep Calm and Carry On” because it is The Way.

*substitute either gender as I know it works both ways

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