February 2009

I’m trying something new now.  I haven’t really been writing much since Maya still had three months to cook, so I need practice.  I’m using blogging prompts from sleep is for the weak and rolling with the suggestions, thus today I’m going to tell a story of what I was doing last year at this time.

*I couldn’t do it.  I’m at a place now where I have to move on.  Going back and thinking about all that could have been- the love and sex and cuddles and morning coffee- will only stunt my process.  Instead, I’ll tell you what I wasn’t doing this time last year:

I wasn’t changing diapers on my 3 month old little girl.

I wasn’t jabbering in gibberish while contorting my face and jiggling my arm fat just to get a giggle out of my baby.

I wasn’t paying an absurd amount in daycare.

I wasn’t breastfeeding.

I wasn’t trying to drop a couple of dress sizes.

I wasn’t getting pooped on and spit-up on and I wasn’t waking up in the middle of the night to lean over 12 inches and check on the baby in the basinett.

I wasn’t struggling with my weight, my finances, my emotions, my mind.

I wasn’t cuddling the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen.

I wasn’t trying to be the best possible person I can be in order to be the ultimate role model for my girl.

I wasn’t as strong as I am now.

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