Four month old Maya Papaya

Exactly one year ago today I peed on a little white stick and life as I knew it changed forever.

I had just returned from L.A. the night before.  I searched for jobs and interviewed in Santa Monica and the surrounding areas, and my boyfriend and I hunted for apartments.  We were taking the plunge and moving in together.  I couldn’t even describe to you the joy in my heart.   After nearly three years of being off-and-on, we were on full speed ahead and I was ecstatic to make a life with my best friend. 

Anyway, I was back at work for my remaining two weeks (hurray!) and it occurred to me that maybe my wayward little friend wasn’t late due to stress.  Could be something else…  So, I casually slipped away for a break and did my thing.

The “positive” line popped up immediately.  No way, I thought.  It doesn’t turn positive that soon.  I’ll wait the full five minutes.  The dark blue line did not disappear.

I don’t think I can describe the range of emotions that followed the realization that I had a baby forming inside of me.  I had a 15  year-old boy and a baby was not in my plan.  I was in the home stretch of this teenager thing!  I was basically speechless. 

I called my boyfriend immediately.   Everything fell apart.  The days that followed were probably some of the worst days of my life.  I listened to a lot of Rachael Yamagata and Fiona Apple, and I would have consumed many alcoholic beverages had I not been preggers. 

I could tell you all that has occurred since that phone call, but doing so would make him look… well, let’s say unfavorable.  Since it would serve no purpose, I’ll refrain from making any disparaging remarks.  This isn’t about him anyway.

It’s about her:

One year ago I peed on a stick and surprise!  I was housing an embryo.  My embryo is now a gorgeous baby, and today I took my babe in for her four-month check-up (turns 4 months tomorrow).  She is near the 90th percentile for height and 75th percentile for weight.  Future volleyball star in the making?  Who knows, but no matter.  She’s advanced for her age and I can’t help but to think she received her mental blessing from yours truly.

This little girl changed the direction of my life- on the inside and out.  I am a better person because of this 14 pound human being.  She might not have changed any one else, but she sure as hell changed me.  Every day she greets me with a grin and her face beams with excitement.  She helps me to open my eyes and see the world in a different light.  She is bright and beautiful and simply amazing. 

I have no idea how anyone could just walk away from this

Now the little dear is sleeping, so off I go!!!  Must sleep, too, for tomorrow we’re off crib shopping.


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