The sun snakes through my blinds and pries my sleeping eyes open every morning, and I defiantly squeeze them shut and bury my head into my pillow. I want just one more hour… or thirty minutes… or for the love of all that is holy, even fifteen more minutes of delicious shut-eye before I must start my day. It’s too late. The morning breathed its greeting into my face and I know if I want to accomplish anything before the little miss awakens, I have to get on it. So, I quietly tumble out of bed (an oxymoron, but if you have an infant sleeping in the same room you know how to move with great stealth- even while you’re half asleep) and the scribbles and keyboard-tapping begin.
Maya, on the other hand, awakens with a roar. One second she’ll be in a deep slumber and the next, she pops her head up and gives a maniacal grin. She squeals and yells and makes herself known to the world. “I am HERE and I will TAKE YOU DOWN!” She is a hurricane and she takes on the day like it’s her biatch. When I speak, she watches my mouth, intensely focused on the shape of my lips as words emerge, and she silently moves her mouth along with mine. One of these mornings she will speak right along with me. She is fierce and amazing, and when she gives you kisses, she doesn’t delicately pucker and tap one on your cheek. Maya grabs your hair or your ears and pulls your face right to hers and covers your cheeks and nose with noisy, slobbery kisses and an occasional bite with her two bottom teeth. Every day is fresh and extraordinary to her, and she lives fully in every moment up until she crawls into my arms and nuzzles her face in my neck. She then delivers her final warrior sound of the evening in sing-song and it sounds just like Veni, Vidi, Vici! At eight months she expresses more passion and zest for life than all of the adults I know- myself included.
Reckless abandon. I’m learning it from her and applying it to my life. To my writing. To my living.
My September 1st deadline is fast approaching and I’m a bit off from my goal. (Makes me wonder how someone else is doing with their deadline. Keeping up or sliding behind… perhaps preoccupied with things other than diaper changes and baby entertainment sessions unlike that which plagues this typist. We said no excuses, but I wonder…) Focus. DEADLINE. I got off track last week when I was once again sideswiped by life, but this time it was different. I got over it. I’m not sure if my swift recovery was due to the fact that such surprises have become commonplace over these past few months or if it’s because I’m once again meditating, but the weight lifted and I can breathe easy.
Sidenote on meditation or rather how I view meditation. I’m not religious; I am a mutt. I steal pieces of advice from all the great teachers and open myself up to universe. To me it’s about connecting with that which you can describe as God, the universe, Brahma, the Tao, or your own inner voice. It’s about bringing balance, strength, and passion into my life. It’s about finding stillness and letting go of all the junk that clutters my mind and my heart so that I have space to let creativity flow freely through me. It’s about making a cozy home for my muse.
I cleared space and I’m back on track with the screenplay. Well into Act II, creating obstacle after obstacle for my protagonist, keeping his goal just out of reach, and giving his love life a bit of a twist. I’m having fun with it, so I suppose that’s the most important thing. Well, that and making sure it kicks ass. I just need to stay on track and I should reach my goal.
Veni, Vidi, Vici!
Awaken with roar and end my day with a song of victory.
Then collapse into bed… just like Maya.
View from the meditation garden in Encinitas overlooking Swami’s beach. These people are serious about chilling out and I loved it.