We often lead messy, complicated lives, but I can’t even begin to explain the events that unfolded this past week. Weird stuff. Straight out of a Maury Povich show, I kid you not. And yet, although some of the information caught me by surprise, for the most part I expected something like it- especially after I saw the 310 area code on my phone. Some people say you never really know a person. After last week, I wholeheartedly agree.
I’ve never had an experience quite like this and I hope to never again; however, it has made me… well, not distrusting so much as aware. You might think it would stall me from the dating scene, but I don’t think it will (we’ll see how I feel after first date) because now I know that it wasn’t me. Sadly, it’s kind of a serious situation. BUT, my eyes are OPEN now and my radar is nice and perky. Stronger, wiser, and much more appreciative for those solid, nice men out there. I think my son is concerned, though. He doesn’t want this to happen again. Can’t say I blame him for being protective. The thing is, I’m okay. Pretty much.
Good things to come out of this: I have discovered that I truly can maintain my sense of humor in unusual, typically heart wrenching, reality tv-ish situations; that I really want this person to get help so he can maybe someday lead a normal life and have solid relationships with his kids and a healthy relationship with someone he loves; my love for my daughter deepened dramatically- she is truly a gift from this situation; and I have some amazing material for my antagonist. Damn.
On a lighter note, I’m “free communicating”, but I can’t see with whom because I haven’t paid anything to eharmony and most likely will not. Expensive! I’m testing out a couple of sites to see which one I like the best. I figure if you’re dating in the physical world, you don’t go to just the library or bar or church or wherever. You look a little here and you look a little there. I figure it’s all friendship and chat right now (although, there’s really no chat unless I pay $- weird), so it’s okay. I’m taking it S-L-O-W. Like super slow. There’s no rush.
Like there ever was…
However, when I asked Josh for his opinion on the pic I wanted to use for my online dating profile pic, he gave me the look. The “you’re crazy” look. In fact, this is pretty much how our conversation went:
“Hey Josh, what do you think of this picture for my online dating?”
THE LOOK. “Do you really think you need to be dating?” (I’m assuming this is concern, not him being a turd.)
“Why not?” He gives me a blank stare in response. “I haven’t had a date since before ****. Years ago, Josh.”
Still stares at me. “Yeah, so?”
“Listen, I can’t go out to bars in Vegas, even if I wanted to. And you’ve seen the selection around here.”
“Well, why do you want to date someone?”
“Because I’d like to share my life with someone, aside from you and Maya.”
“And I’d like someone to care about me and love me. Any more questions?”
“So how’s this picture?”
I don’t know. Maybe he’s right and I shouldn’t be dating right now (or rather attempting to date since I’m still stuck in pre-dating status). I can always change my mind if I decide the time isn’t right for me, right? Right.