Hodgepodge

Me one year ago:

That was when Miss Maya was contained.  Now she’s crawling up stairs and jumping up and down- on her own.  Yikes.  My baby is nearly through her first year of life.  Unbelievable. 

So, I’m still reading and slowly working through How To Write A Movie In 21 Days (don’t ask, don’t comment, just think about your own areas of procrastination and nod your head in understanding), and the author injects these “Inner Movie Axioms” at various points.  Highly useful information that we all know, but forget until we’re reminded. 

We will do anything to change until we start to; then we do everything to stop it.

How very true.  Happens all the time.  If you lose weight, you tend to slack off and stop exercising or eat unhealthy because you think “hey, I’ll get back on track tomorrow”, but tomorrow becomes next week, then next month, and so forth. 

If you start writing a script and it’s flowing smoothly with all the right words in all the right places, you start to doubt yourself.  It can’t possibly be any good if it’s falling into place so easily.  There must be something wrong with it.  Better find any excuse not to write and finish it because then you’ll find out just how inept you truly are. 

Or maybe you’re trying to make a momentous change in your lifestyle.  You start off on the right foot and your chest swells with determination.  And then there’s a slow leak… pffffffffft.  It seems so much easier to allow yourself to slip back into well-worn patterns.  It’s what you know; it’s where you’re most comfortable.  The problem is, your old problems will resurface and you’ll feel miserable all over again.  You’ll realize you should have put in the effort right from the start because who knows where you’d be or how your life would have already changed had you done so. 

The key is to recognize the moment we begin to slip and accept it.  Acknowledge your desire to return to your old ways and think about how your life will be in a month or two or even a year if you decide to follow that train back down the same tired tracks.  Is it what you want?  Is that old way of life worth your future?  Refuse to accept defeat.  Cross your old lifestyle off your list of future “must-haves” and write down all the reasons you want to LIVE. 

One year ago I was very pregnant and completely freaked out about my future.  A BABY.  Being responsible for a teenager is one thing; caring for a baby again was a whole new ballgame.  How in the world was I going to do this all over again?  I felt overwhelmed (still do some days).  However, since the future was going to arrive and there was nothing I could do to change that, I did everything I could to re-educate myself on little ones, stock my life with appropriate tools, and took every day as it presented itself.  I still do when it comes to Maya and Josh.  So far, everything has worked out okay.

As for the rest of my life- I’m taking that one day at a time, too; however, I’m no longer being passive about obtaining all of it.  I want the kind of love that sends butterflies into a frenzy deep in my belly.  I want the fabulous career.  Happiness and stability.  A gorgeous craftsman style house with hardwood floors and giant windows and the best backyard bbq area ever…  I know the lifestyle I want and I’m actively working toward that future.  I’m putting myself out there, both in writing and my life, doing the best I can, and letting the universe take care of the rest.  Everything is one scene at a time while keeping an eye on my resolution. 

The universe isn’t going to take care of the stench coming from Maya’s diaper, though.

By the way, did I mention that I’m totally kicking ass on my screenplay?  It’s going to feel SO good when I finish it!

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