An English Composition Soap Opera

Coming soon to E!*

“F@&* It!  Tales of Life and Love Gone Awry in the Land of Grammar, Punctuation, and the Alphabet”

The searing ancestral accounts of a bygone era, including these unforgettable tales:

  • The “Lilliputian Letter Movement”- the lowercase letters’ attempt to extract themselves from under the totalitarian thumb of the UPPERCASE class- which escalated into the UPPERCASE/lowercase Conflict until the enactment of the Capitalization Resolution
  • The bitter feud between the consonants and vowels, fueled by the careless whispers of the (supposedly) silent “K” and resolved only after “Y” reconciled his innate consonant self with the deep desire to be a vowel and became a transletter
  • The collage of torrid love affairs and marriages: the clandestine affair between ( ) and [ ], resulting in baby {}; the near-pornographic adventures of the trickster triplets there, their, and they’re; and the quarrels between sisters “I” and “E” over the cocksure “C”, followed by the desperate, rebound marriage of “I” with “S” from which sprang forth future world dictator $

 (All taking place prior to the Strunk & White evolution and, therefore, before the Declaration of the Constitution of English Composition, of course.)

*Even though it sounds plausible, I made that up.


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