My brother’s wedding was in Las Vegas about two weeks ago (the goofball is pictured above with me and our dad) and the whole love and marriage bit has been on my mind quite a bit since then. Naturally.
Nearly all eyes were on the bride as she walked down the aisle. My eyes were on my brother. I figured everyone else would have dozens of photos of the woman in white, but I would have the only one of the groom as he watched his soon-to-be wife enter the room.
I was right, and I’m so happy I caught the moment.
It was a lovely ceremony, even if my daughter and the bride’s daughter were conspiring to torment us the rest of the evening. (I would love to say that Maya was the most well-behaved, delightful girl the entire night, but it would be a fantastical lie. She was a typical 2 year-old.)
The happy couple.
I was never one of those girls who dreamt of a white wedding. I can’t recall ever pretending I was getting married, either. (Except to Telly Savalas, obviously.) I’ve never even tried on a wedding dress.
However, this past week I discovered a few things about myself and weddings. I’m not conventional. I would definitely want it outside. October would be ideal. Near dusk. Give me some rust colors on the trees and the distant scent of wood burning. Say “I do” to the words of Tom Robbins:
Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words “make” and “stay” become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.
I want a simple silver band with one delicate, round, conflict-free diamond. Small scale. This Vera Wang would be my ideal wedding dress ($ withstanding, mind you):
I want to sink into wine and cheese and bread and dark chocolate. I’d rather smash fruit-filled warm brie into a man’s face than color him with the typical white cake.
Am I nuts? Probably. Will it ever happen for me? I’m not sure. Maybe. Maybe not. Here are a few things that I know so far about love:
First off: You must love yourself. Treat yourself with respect. Honor your highest priorities. The whole “love is patient, love is kind” bit from the Bible? Apply it toward yourself as well as others. Forgive yourself.
Trust your gut. Not your heart. Your gut. Our hearts can lie and our brain defends our heart’s actions. The gut doesn’t lie.
Don’t be afraid to be a nerd in love.
Yes, you might look like an idiot and maybe the relationship doesn’t play out how you envisioned, but such geeky actions can bring forth something great into this world. Like a little girl.
If you love someone, tell them. I mean, if you think you love them while the two of you are enjoying a cocktail on your first date, I would suggest waiting for a while before declaring your love. Could look a tad desperate. Otherwise, we all know that life is too short to dick around. “I love you.” Simple, yet powerful.
There are more things I’ve learned, but I’d rather keep you in suspense. Because I know you will all be waiting with bated breath for my next random bits on love entry.
Until then, here’s an entry I wrote years ago as I babysat a friend’s wedding dress. I was still madly attached to a certain man at the time, but the theme remains true. I will warn you, the writing is wordy, but I haven’t the desire to edit it. I’m too tired. Plus, I’m not gunning for an award here. Grimace as I just did and skim through if you wish.
Nevermind. I can’t bear to post it, the writing is so bad. These few paragraphs are okay, so…
For me, the wedding dress symbolized a marriage of illusions instead of illuminations- until Juno murmured in my ear and introduced me to an electric soul. I discovered how delicious life can be when the mere thought of a person sets into motion those dancing butterflies that create a bizarre recipe of nausea, hyperventilation, and uncontrollable perspiration, which somehow transforms into a gourmet feast of love. I realized that if you are fortunate enough to stumble into that indescribable bond, one that refuses to dissolve despite time and distance, you develop an unyielding desire to nourish and protect that connection- hence the commitment.
Now, primarily due to senescence, I know that a healthy relationship rooted in friendship, respect, and love, can spring a person from mediocrity to brilliance. Ordinary to extraordinary. With positive communication and fluid compromise, a romantic partnership can be beautifully symbiotic.
I don’t have grand expectations and I don’t expect another person to piece my puzzle; I’m realistic. Just love me. In my opinion, if you truly love someone, then you respect, cherish, adore, and fiercely protect them, and that crew of virile verbs pitches the tent that protects and strengthens devotion during life’s many storms. Yes- we’re both going to screw up from time to time and hurt each other. That’s inevitable.
Still, I want to open my eyes to your face every morning and drift off to sleep after I kiss you goodnight. I want to share my ideas, my fears, and my lame jokes with you. I want to watch you grow into the person you’ve always wanted to become. We were hooked from the beginning by an unseen bungee cord that continues to pull us back together, and I’m deliriously happy to be tethered to you, you amazing person, you.
A lovely song to send you on your way: