I am single as fuck. I said that bit to a friend last weekend, and then saw this link on a Facebook post yesterday:
Mindy Kaling completely nails it.
Lately, I’ve noticed that everyone I know seems to be falling in love or already in complete lovey dovey bliss right now. FB friends are going on about the BIG loves in their lives; bloggers are falling off the grid right and left due to love immersion; and I’m discovering more and more people who, although they nearly cringe as they use the term, confess that they have found their soul mate. Even my ex is head-over-heels in love, which I will confess was a bitter pill for me to swallow. I know that after everything that has happened between us, I should have felt indifferent, but I didn’t. It stung. Of course, I then had all sorts of thoughts running through my head, like “am I still somehow in love with the man?”, “why didn’t he feel this way about me?”, “would I feel this way if I had my own love?”, and “is that broccoli in my teeth?” (Followed by “oh Christ, why in the hell didn’t anyone tell me?”)
Here’s the thing: I’ve been out of the scene for far too long now. I keep talking about “getting back out there” and meeting someone, but I haven’t followed through yet. In fact, I haven’t even had a night out on the town since… I don’t know. The Color Run in February? Good lord. No wonder I’m single. It’s not like my future partner in crime is going to magically knock on my door. I think that after all this time of being out of the game, I don’t want to dive in and deal with the feelings of rejection yet again. Getting your heart trampled is painful. Plus, I have enough stress. I don’t need to feel pressure in yet another area of my life. I’ll have to start shaving, fixing my hair, taking a pumice stone to my feet, minimizing facial pores, tweezing nose and ear hairs, investing in lingerie, showering, etc. It’s a pain in the ass.
However, if I don’t take the risk and don’t put forth some sort of effort, I will forever remain single as fuck. I will not have the sweet feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I will not have that moment of anticipation right before a first kiss. I will not have a goofy grin plastered across my face upon seeing a text from my man.
So,*sigh* I browsed Match profiles for a bit last night to get a feel for who is out there. I joined Match for a few months about 2 1/2 years ago and it was okay, but I wasn’t truly ready for a relationship and figured that out early. Let me begin by saying that there are many men in the Vegas area on Match. Literally two thousand men in my limited age range and with my preferences. Crazy.
What’s even crazier is that many of these men want someone who is much younger than their own semi-advanced age and sexy. Even the ones who look like serial killers want sexy. If I have to go into the sixty year-old range to find someone who wants to date a forty year-old woman, then forget it. Plus, I am not sexy by any means. Cute, maybe. I suppose I could vamp it up and pretend to be sexy, but I don’t want to portray myself as some sex goddess because that’s not me. I am a nerddess, plain and simple.
I discovered that certain things are an immediate turn-off to me. Bathroom pictures. Man duck faces. Lack of clothing. One man said one of the last books he read was “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Um, just no. I don’t know if that’s me acting like a bitch or me simply setting some sort of standard. I’m trying to keep in mind that not all of these men are deliberately douchey. I know that most of these men are just looking to connect with someone and they’re doing the best that they can. Sometimes they just don’t know better.
Now, a handful of the men whose profiles I viewed (and I didn’t view that many because there are two thousand) were hilarious and charming. I found myself laughing at a few of the blurbs and wondering what they would be like up close and personal, not tucked away behind their witty prose. It gave me hope.
It’s time to update my profile, my friends. The beginning of August is my deadline (paycheck $$ and it gives me time to update pictures, info, so forth). I want to be as genuine as I possibly can. I want to be me out there. Keeping that in mind, oh people of bloggyland, if you’ve done the online dating thing, which site did you use? If you were successful in discovering LOVE, what drew you to a profile? What turned you off? Any useful tips or suggestions for me? I could use some advice so that I don’t chicken out.