I Beat the What-Ifs

I did it.  I booked my plane ticket for Austin, TX to participate in the upcoming Blogger Interactive and hang out with some of the coolest people I’ve ever met  (online).  This action- this commitment to a plan- is a huge deal for me, because even when my heart really wants to do something special or out of the ordinary, the what-ifs sometimes stop me from following through.  Financial what-ifs.  Plane crashing what-ifs.  What-ifs concerning my daughter.

However, I’m trying to break free of the what-ifs chains that bind me.  Before Maya came along, I was a bit more carefree, though I admit the flying thing kept me from travelling as much as I would have liked.  After Maya’s arrival, financial restraints as well as the what-ifs kept me close to home, but now- right at this moment- it is only the what-ifs that could hold me back.  I budgeted appropriately and made plans for Maya’s care, so all else is out of my hands.

Last night, after Maya went to bed and I was curled up in a chair to read in the quiet, I thought about that plane ticket.  I knew I had to book it soon or the price would increase to where I couldn’t afford it, and that would be the perfect excuse to back out.  Book it now, said my heart.

Wait until morning, replied my head.  Review your finances again and research to make sure you’re getting the best deal possible.  Maybe you should go ahead and wait until next payday.  Maybe this isn’t the best idea.  I mean, there are so many things you could use that money for or you could just put it into savings.  No one will think less of you if you don’t go.

You will think less of you.  You want this.  You need this.  Book it now.

I don’t know.  You want to put some money back for Josh’s move to Finland and–

In four years, you have had only one night without having one of your kids with you, and that was the nervous, sleepless night before Tough Mudder.  Josh is an adult and he will be fine.  He will want this for you.  You have money set back for Maya.  She will not go without.  You rarely do anything at all for yourself.  Book it now.  My heart is persistent and full of self-love.

My heart won.

I reviewed the itinerary several times and almost backed out at the last second, telling myself I would book it in the morning, but I clicked the Book It button instead.  And then I felt like I was going to throw up.  Oh man.  I did it.  I really did it.  I’m going to Austin.  A wave of excitement suddenly hit me.  Fuck yeah!  I’m going to Austin!  I’m really going to do this!

Next thought: get that screenplay ready to go.  You’re going to be surrounded by smart, funny people who can glance over the first ten pages and tell you if they want to read more of if you need to greatly improve it.  Thought after that: donate your hair before your trip.  You will look and feel fabulous.  Next: this trip is going to be amazing.  You are going to meet so many incredible people and who knows what else could happen… Remember, anything is possible.

The click of one button created a domino effect.  I took real action.  I committed myself.  I instantly expanded my horizon and created the opportunity for many doors to open wide.  This one little act might not seem like a big deal to some of you, but for me, it is monumental.

Now, my ideal hotel is all booked up (bummer), but I’m going to pester them for a while just in case they have a cancellation.  I want the quirky.  I want the weird.  I want to walk everywhere and be surrounded by good food and drinks.  I want the Austin experience.  Of course, if it comes down to the wire, I’ll stay just about anywhere within reason.

Anyone else booked up and ready to go?

Anyone else fight with their own selves like I do?


13 thoughts on “I Beat the What-Ifs

  1. wahoo!! so glad you bit the bullet! i’m super excited! i definitely understand the inner-battle / i do this with myself all the time. // i just thought of something you or other bloggers might like to consider when staying in austin — my twin sis lives in austin as well & has a super cute/quirky house in a hip neighborhood on the eastside {literally right across the highway from the state capital & a couple of minutes from downtown} — w/ multiple places to sleep it’s an option if you were able to split it with other peeps! here is their link on airbnb: https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/611171 {they rent it out all the time}.


  2. Fight with myself like that all the time. The funny thing, I never regret whatever follows from overcoming the what-ifs, yet they don’t seem any quieter in my head the next time a decision comes around. Still trying to figure that one out.


  3. Yes yes yes! I am happy for you on so many levels. One, obviously, because you’ll be going to Austin and we’re all excited to meet you. Two, because this is a huge fear to overcome. It is one I struggle with almost on a daily basis, and I’m also working on it. To be honest, if I wasn’t hosting, I’m not sure if I would go. “What if people don’t like me? What if I spend too much money? What if I have a bad time?”

    It’s good to push yourself outside of your comfort zone because that’s where all of the fun really lives. I’m getting there too.


  4. Pingback: Blogger Interactive 2013 | michelle stodden

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