Maya’s “Phone call”
17 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life Tags: Family, humor, kids, Life
I just happened to have the camera out for this clip. Josh swears she’s ordering a hit on someone. She does avoid eye contact and uses cryptic phrases, so… I’m thinking it’s a possibility.
Someone had better watch their back.
2011
31 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Life Tags: 2011, Family, Life, Love, Relationships
2011 has been a year of new beginnings and transformation for me. 2009 was a roller-coaster ride of love, heartbreak, surprises and the birth of my lovely daughter. 2010 was yet another year of heartbreak, gut-wrenching discoveries, financial struggles and the stress of raising an infant on my own. At the end of last year, I promised myself that by the end of 2011, my life would be different.
This past year, through baby steps, determination and continuous forward movement, I tackled issues head-on and realized nearly all of the aspirations I set for the year. Every single goal was a challenge. I had to focus intensely to meet my financial goals for the year, especially as the sole provider for my daughter, but the result of being nearly debt-free once again and having breathing room is more than worth the “pain” of sticking to a strict budget. I can’t imagine any other way to live now because, ultimately, the budget gives me freedom and very little financial stress.
I started a new office position in May, which, to be honest, made me feel slightly nervous. I had no idea what to expect and was so afraid of screwing up. Well, guess what. I screwed up a few times and the world didn’t end. I started working with a wonderful group of people, extended my social network and made some great friends in the process. I stepped out of my comfort zone and my world expanded. Professionally, there are still areas in which I need to improve (ideas for this next year!), but it keeps me on my toes and striving to do better every day. I am so grateful for the opportunity.
My writing life grew, too. Earlier in the year, I co-wrote a short film, which was filmed this fall. I also wrote a screenplay, although I can’t bring myself to call it a finished project because it needs so much revision. Although I haven’t actively worked on it recently due to kids’ birthdays and the holidays, it is high up on my list for January projects.
I think the most important transformation has been my adjustment to raising a toddler and the process of letting go of a teenager. With Maya, this past year has been a breeze compared to 2010. I can usually sleep through the night, which is a godsend after 15 months of a sleep-deprived existence. She just turned two and life with her is a blast. It’s loud, sprinkled with toddler temper tantrums, somewhat challenging and it’s kind of messy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Every day is an adventure to her and I love it. She is bright, funny and has a fantastic personality. I could brag about how she knows her alphabet, sings her abc’s and knows how to spell her name, but… Oh. I guess I just did. She loves her big brother Joshie with all the heart a two-year old can give. Speaking of the teenager, it’s been a challenge for me to loosen my strings on that kid. This past year has been one of growing independence for him. He’s eighteen, shuffling into adulthood and plans on moving to Spain in six months to be with Sonja. Talk about leaving the nest.
Sonja, Josh, Maya
I finally learned that despite all my best efforts for years, I can’t make an adult grow up and assume responsibility. I can’t make someone change his priorities and I can’t make someone care. After a certain point, you have to walk away and you don’t look back, not with the intention of hurting someone else, but with the purpose of saving yourself.
I also learned that a toddler can stick a lot of corn kernels up her nose without you even noticing. Like a dozen, to be exact.
Overall, as 2011 closes its doors, I feel blessed. I brushed the previous years’ debris off my shoulders, put on my big-girl panties and eliminated issue after issue. In the process, I rediscovered my self-worth.
I can’t wait to see what 2012 brings.
Happy New Year
I Won. Kinda.
28 Nov 2011 5 Comments
in Writing Tags: Nanowrimo, Writing
I’m not even to the half-way point of the 50,000 word goal for NaNoWriMo and I have two days left to “finish.” Two days. Thirty thousand words. Not gonna happen. And that’s okay.
I figured something out today: My protagonist must lose her legs. Not as in her current fractured status, which, although painful, basically equates to misplacing keys or dropping a mint and having it roll under the sofa, just out of reach. Her current situation is merely inconvenient, not life-transforming, and it certainly doesn’t make you care deeper for her and root for her self-salvation. I have to raise the stakes and create a fire where there now resides coal.
Sarah, my lovely yet boring protagonist, I’m sorry that you will go through hell, but your legs must be severed and utterly unsalvageable for there to be a deeper meaning hidden in the story you tell to your art student. What was that you said? You engage in the actual practice of painting, not teach it? Tsk, tsk, tsk… Did I detect a hint of contempt in your voice? Don’t look down upon teaching, snooty one. That’s like looking down upon a poor soul who needs food stamps and then losing your own job the next day, thus needing assistance. (On a side note, I never saw this side of you a month ago. I was in too great a hurry to get the ball rolling.)
I’m recreating your world at this very moment, Sarah- a world in which you are safe, privileged and apparently narcissistic- and then I’m going to destroy it just so we can see the substance that spins your core. Will the girl you once were resurface or will you deteriorate into a bitter pill of a woman? What are you going to do when you lose it all? When you discover your husband is a cheating liar who impregnated his young secretary? When you realize that never again will you feel the cushion of green grass beneath your feet or grains of sand between your toes? Will you fall apart? Will you let resentment eat away at your soul? Will it be possible for you to regain control and rise above all the bullshit he put you through? Will you find a way to kick ass again, even without your legs? If so, how?
Now we’re having some fun. My characters’ true natures are now beginning to emerge and the plot is becoming something I’d want to read. Still needs more time to cook though.
I might not have met the NaNo goal of 50,000 words, but I met mine: I wrote every single day. My singular goal was to cultivate a solid writing habit. I used NaNo as a tool to get my butt in the chair and write, which I believe is its intended purpose. I also discovered that, for myself, I can’t wake up one morning and start writing just to write- just to meet a word count number. I have to plan. I have to let my characters swim around in my head until they grow legs and evolve out of the muck. The plot needs to simmer for a while and thicken into a hearty mix of mishaps and delight. I have to develop an outline of sorts so that I can feel free to delve into the details without worrying about straying too far off base. I need the voices to shout at me and demand to be heard. Whimpers do not push my brain into writing mode.
At any rate, I won.
Anyone who tells me otherwise can kiss it.
Five Minute Word War With Myself
18 Nov 2011 2 Comments
in Writing Tags: Nanowrimo, wine, Writing
I am nearly 20,000 words behind in NaNo right now, so I have to make every spare minute count. Five minutes? Fine. Here’s my five minute, no-edit word addition:
“Glass of wine?” Rémy asked as he pulled a bottle of crimson liquid out of a brown sack. He didn’t wait for her response and decanted the wine in one seemingly fluid movement. “It smells divine,” he said as launched the perfunctory swirl and sniff. He closed his eyes and let the wine rush into his mouth. Sarah watched this ritual unfold, as she had for the past seventeen years. On one of their first dates, she asked him why he always closed his eyes when he first tasted a wine. He seemed so mysterious to her, this striking, brooding French man, and she wanted to unravel every secret he dangled. He told her that he believed a wine will taste different if you allow your other senses to come into play. If he was tracing the room with his aqua eyes and landed upon a beast of a woman, the wine, no matter how exquisite it might truly be, would taste flabby. Void of character and perhaps even slightly bitter. On the other hand, should his gaze fall upon a woman of beauty, a woman he wanted to seduce, the wine would exhibit an exaggerated heat and spiciness. Combined with dark chocolate undertones, a simple wine could remind him of the taste of a woman, at which point he would be powerless. And then what use would he be? She found herself naked in his arms a few hours later.
**
Damn. Now I want a glass of wine. And man to accompany it.
In Progress, But Not Quite There Yet
15 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in Writing Tags: dreams, Nanowrimo, Writing
Last night I dreamt I was in love again. I don’t know the name of the dark-haired man, only that as I read a book, I leaned into him and he wrapped his arm around me to pull me close. As hard as I try, I can’t seem to remember much more about the dream, but I vividly recall how I felt in it. Happy. Safe. Loved. I awoke this morning with that “full” feeling inside my chest- a feeling I haven’t had in years. It was the loveliest thing. I have no idea if this man actually exists somewhere or if it was just my subconscious wishing for it. I suppose time will tell.
I also awoke with the song “Boston” by Augustana stuck in my head. I haven’t heard that song in years. Is it a hint? Unlikely. I’m sure there’s something within the song that resonates with me on a deeper level right now, whether or not I realize it. I’m guessing it’s due to the fact that I’m desperately craving change in my life, and although I’m actively working toward it, this great change doesn’t seem to manifesting just yet. Patience is a virtue I am constantly striving to cultivate within.
Back to writing for NaNoWriMo before my little stinker wakes up. I attempted a one-sentence synopsis of the story and this is what I came up with:
A woman who loses her job, her marriage and her self-esteem attempts to reclaim her life by making up a romantic, albeit sordid story about spending her youth as a hooker in France, which she tells in bits in order to keep her sole art student- her doctor’s snarky teenager- interested enough to come back for art lessons week after week.
It’s a synopsis-in-progress, but for now it will do.
Speaking of NaNoWriMo, here’s a sweet story- one that gives me hope: http://blog.lettersandlight.org/post/12811994656
My family jokes that since one of my brothers married a Russian (Moldova to be exact) and the other is engaged to a lovely woman from Bosnia AND my son is in a relationship with a girl who is originally from Finland but lives in Spain, it’s my turn to find a fantastic foreigner. Maybe NaNo will be my ticket to love, too… One never knows, eh?
Any takers?
